went to guanyin temple wif my dad, bro n grandma... main aim is for my grandma to pray for my uncle's whereabouts.. she got a gd lot tho! hee~ tt shld relieve her of some of her worries ba i hope.. =)
aft which, we went to ttsh to visit my ah gong.. he has been in n out of hospital ever since he had a stroke which left him half paralysed 2 or 3 yrs back... it's always v sad wen we saw him.. n he nv fails to get emotional wen he saw us... there's always tears in his eyes... n he wld mutter non-stop to us.. tho we cld nv figure out a single word frm him... my dad always 'fu yan' him by saying 'yah yah...' to watever noises he made... but tt's so...... i dunno.. i feel so sad cos if i were him n nobody noes wat i wanna say... n there r ppl who pretend to noe wat im saying..... i cldnt walk... cldnt move much... cldnt turn my body.... cldnt express myself wif any words... i can only lie there on the bed.. waiting to be served... waiting for days to pass... waiting for the Time to come for me to go.... wat's life then?? wat's life???? for somebody lyk him... wat's life to him??
wat wld happen if one day i bcum lyk him? i did tink abt tt for some time but i really dunno... seriously... there's nothing much i can do... i wld wish tt im betta off dead... i hate to be a burden to ppl... i really hate it wen i bcum a burden to ppl!! a burden physically, financially n emotionally.....
i used to hate my ah gong for his over-powering attitude... tt kinda only-im-right kinda attitude... hate it wen he lyk to use his bellowing n his fists to settle problems... i stopped gg to his house wen i was in sec sch i tink... wen i cldnt stand his fucked up attitude no more..... den he came dwn wif stroke.. tt din really make my trips to his house or the hospital more frequent altho tt hatred has slowly subsided into sympathy.... i dun lyk to visit him bcos every time i go, there's nothing much tt i can do... i hv nothing to say to him either... so most of the time i wld simply go there n stand nx to his bed n be a 'wooden man'.... n i wld get washed over by waves of sadness... by his situation, by the conditions of the other patients who r in the same ward as him... those sad faces, some non-emotional, wif pipes all over their bodies.... awaiting for the day wen they can gO... either go home or...... leave this world? perhaps......
in short, im nOt a filial grandchild. tt's for sure.. im guilty of tt yes i noe.. but im not really planning to do anything abt it....... i m leaving alot of things to fate......... n aft i hv seen how 'some ppl' treat him, im getting v pessimistic abt old age.... wat will happen to me wen im old n i cant take care of myself anymore? wat if i din get married n i dun hv children? where will i land up? old age home?? haiz~
aft which, we went to ttsh to visit my ah gong.. he has been in n out of hospital ever since he had a stroke which left him half paralysed 2 or 3 yrs back... it's always v sad wen we saw him.. n he nv fails to get emotional wen he saw us... there's always tears in his eyes... n he wld mutter non-stop to us.. tho we cld nv figure out a single word frm him... my dad always 'fu yan' him by saying 'yah yah...' to watever noises he made... but tt's so...... i dunno.. i feel so sad cos if i were him n nobody noes wat i wanna say... n there r ppl who pretend to noe wat im saying..... i cldnt walk... cldnt move much... cldnt turn my body.... cldnt express myself wif any words... i can only lie there on the bed.. waiting to be served... waiting for days to pass... waiting for the Time to come for me to go.... wat's life then?? wat's life???? for somebody lyk him... wat's life to him??
wat wld happen if one day i bcum lyk him? i did tink abt tt for some time but i really dunno... seriously... there's nothing much i can do... i wld wish tt im betta off dead... i hate to be a burden to ppl... i really hate it wen i bcum a burden to ppl!! a burden physically, financially n emotionally.....
i used to hate my ah gong for his over-powering attitude... tt kinda only-im-right kinda attitude... hate it wen he lyk to use his bellowing n his fists to settle problems... i stopped gg to his house wen i was in sec sch i tink... wen i cldnt stand his fucked up attitude no more..... den he came dwn wif stroke.. tt din really make my trips to his house or the hospital more frequent altho tt hatred has slowly subsided into sympathy.... i dun lyk to visit him bcos every time i go, there's nothing much tt i can do... i hv nothing to say to him either... so most of the time i wld simply go there n stand nx to his bed n be a 'wooden man'.... n i wld get washed over by waves of sadness... by his situation, by the conditions of the other patients who r in the same ward as him... those sad faces, some non-emotional, wif pipes all over their bodies.... awaiting for the day wen they can gO... either go home or...... leave this world? perhaps......
in short, im nOt a filial grandchild. tt's for sure.. im guilty of tt yes i noe.. but im not really planning to do anything abt it....... i m leaving alot of things to fate......... n aft i hv seen how 'some ppl' treat him, im getting v pessimistic abt old age.... wat will happen to me wen im old n i cant take care of myself anymore? wat if i din get married n i dun hv children? where will i land up? old age home?? haiz~
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home